It’s your life. It belongs to you.
Would you say you have a loving and kind relationship with yourself? Do you have clean, meaningful relationships with people that are important to you? Are you clear about your preferences, needs, and desires? (Did you even know you are allowed to have preferences, needs, and desires?)
My clients want to create a vibrant life. They call on me to guide and support them. (And even push them when they know they need a nudge.) It can be scary to navigate those changes without an ally in your corner rooting for you as you “show up” differently in the world. I facilitate their transformation by acting as a committed listener, a mirror, and a partner.
Are you wondering if you’re someone who could benefit from working with me? Read on about a “composite” client. Understandably, you may not have the exact lifestyle of this fictitious woman, and yet you may relate to her struggles and her dreams.
Lynda is a 55-year-old woman who lives in the suburbs of Houston. She is a college-degreed professional who has worked at an oil and gas company for the past 12 years as a top-level administrator.
Lynda and her husband of 29 years, Bill, have a daughter, Elle, 26, who is a graduate of a Texas university with a business degree. She is dating a young man by the name of Levi who Lynda thinks and hopes Elle will eventually marry. Elle lives and works in downtown Houston.
Her son, Ian, is pursuing a Political Science degree and would like to be become a high school teacher for at-risk youth in low-income schools. He’s not in any big hurry, however, and is poking along through school. He lives at home, has lots of friends, no serious girlfriend. He doesn’t party and he isn’t a “player,” but he isn’t concerned about getting out on his own, which is a source of great irritation to her husband Bill.
Her relationship with Bill is “fine.” They met in college and wanted the same things in life and believe the same stuff. Bill has zero interest in developing himself or their relationship. She can do what she wants as long as he isn’t bothered to feel an emotion or change anything he’s doing. Bill drinks regularly, has an opinion about everything, loves all competitive sports, and is a highly valued member of a major accounting firm.
And so…that’s how they do it. That’s the deal she’s struck: she takes care of most things domestic (Bill will do a few yard tasks or handyman jobs as time allows) including care of two dogs, one cat, home and yard maintenance (scheduling of all help), meal planning and preparing, supporting Elle and Ian along with both her and Bill’s aging parents. Working is optional, and she may retire soon.
For Bill’s part, he is the “provider.” He provides a no-debt lifestyle with fully paid cars and college tuition for everyone. Because he is so highly regarded and “needed” at work, he rarely takes time off. The best he can usually do is 10-12 days in the summer to escape the Houston heat. This is almost always a family trip with the kids, maybe some of their friends, and/or part of the extended family. It is never just Lynda and Bill. Maybe twice a year the two of them leave for a long weekend and when this happens, it’s attached to either a business conference for Bill or a sporting event.
Bill seems to have a sixth sense as to when Lynda is getting down on their marriage and, in those times, he throws her a bone, insisting that they make a night of it; get dressed up and go downtown to stay overnight at a beautiful swanky hotel and enjoy a divine meal at a very posh restaurant. Often a piece of new jewelry, flowers, lingerie, and a night of great sex is involved. Upon further investigation, Lynda has noted that these nights tend to coincide with a bonus or promotion Bill has earned at work.
For years, decades actually, this arrangement has been perfectly acceptable until recently. Lynda now feels like she’s picked up her head, looked around, and wondered: is this all there is? There is a deep dissatisfaction inside of her that she seems unable to ignore. And yet, she has the life that she dreamt about when she and Bill were young and first engaged to marry. This is the dream both of them wanted. Now that it is her reality why does it feel like such a let-down? She “knows” she shouldn’t complain because her life is exceptionally good and she has it all…
When Lynda reached out to me, she asked me to help her fix her attitude and get her to a place where she could be satisfied with the status quo again.
She has unsuccessfully ignored, numbed, and repressed the dissatisfaction. When that didn’t work, she took the “Oprah” route and read some books, changed her diet, got a handle on hormone replacement therapy, took more weekend trips with girlfriends, went to a weekend workshop to “Be Your Best Self,” and began a gratitude journal. Each of these things were helpful in their own way, and none of them decreased the growing dissatisfaction inside. If anything, these things made it worse, because now she was being exposed to people who seemed not only genuinely satisfied with life, but were lit up and excited about the future!
On one hand, this was disheartening to her because she’s trying the same things these folks are doing, but she can’t seem to get any traction to sustain happiness or satisfaction.
On the other hand, it primes the pump of possibility. Might there be a more meaningful, impactful way to be in the world? Might she have something of value to offer? Could she, too, experience greater connection and love with the people that are most important to her?
How in the world does she go about finding out?
Now: Back to You
“Lynda” is not the only person who’s shown up at my office with a feeling of discontent that she just doesn’t “do” life right. There is an amazing number of women who walk the Earth with a yearning to feel, express, and create from the authentic center of their being. Women who bought into a societal story about when to go to school, get married, have and raise children, and retire. Women who’ve played by the rules only to end up feeling dry, hollow, and wanting.
It’s your life. It belongs to you. You alone can decide how to transform it. While the journey is yours alone, you need not travel it by yourself.
I offer a complimentary, 15-minute phone consultation.
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